---- SILAS Why did I do that? Why did I open my mouth? Why did I lower my defenses and tell her my true thoughts? Because I couldnt hold them in anymore.
Because Im too confused.
Because I feel...
like I need answers...
like I need her.
But Im just a slave...
disposable and replaceable.
She could kill me, break me, and rebuild me.
She could do whatever she wanted with me.
Thate it.
I hate never having control over anything.
I hate being just a broken toy.
T cant lose sight of my goal.
What happened today cant happen again.
She cant discard me before we kill Lucrecia! No, no, she cant ever discard me.
I reached behind my head and pulled off the ebony mask shed given me.
The deformed, ruined half of my face was exposed.
That cursed eye stared obsessively into the darkness of the staircase leading to her room.
---- It pushed me to seek out her magic, craving it with a sick, twisted hunger.
It wanted to consume her, devour her.
I tooka step forward, my entire body tensed in protest, my mind and heart locked in a brutal fight.
My hand lifted, and my fingers dug into the stone wall until my nails began to bleed.
I threw the mask to the ground and clawed at this curse.
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Iwanted to rip it out like I had so many times before.
The pain was unbearable, so much that there were moments I almost gave in.
The rage corroded my soul, the urge to destroy everything and everyone, the helplessness of only suffering without being able to change my fate.
Ireached for the short knife tucked inside my boot, stolen from the kitchen.
I pulled it out and pressed it to my faceId tried this many times, but that horrible magic refused to die.
It was like it had a life of its own, autonomy, like a damn parasite living inside me.
Traised my arm with force, gritting my teeth in fury, ready to stab over and over into that abyss of darkness that blinded me.
I waited for the usual reactionfor the knife to simply melt or evaporatebut this time, it was my hand that froze in midair.
My head hung low, the handle gripped tightly in my hand, the blades tip millimeters from my cursed eye.
---- Then, a soft melody drifted into my ears, so ethereal, so beautiful, so distant and forbidden to me.
lifted my gaze, erratic, unfocused, unhinged.
My whole body trembled with tensionit was her.
She was humming a tune, probably not even realizing I could hear her, yet once again, she was pulling me back from the abyss.
The memories of what we'd done at the mansions entrance flooded my mindher awkward innocence, trying to pretend she was like that disgusting witch.
The tremble of her pleasure, the rough moans from her throat, her aura that brought light to my darkness, her sensual magic that drove me mad in a way Id never experienced before.
So this is what it feels like to be with someone by choice.
Touching her...
its addictive.
I crave that warmth for myself.
I've only had a taste, but I need more.
I need it all.
And I will have it all.
!!!
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